That Looming Hard Thing
I remember last year the day I ran a 19:25 5k. it was Saturday morning, and a little later of a departure time than my usual weekday morning runs. I was walking around the house, finding everything that didn’t need to be done in that moment and convincing myself I should do it then before I left. “You’re procrastinating,” I said to myself. I knew what was sitting in front of me. “Just get out the door and start.”
The hard thing was looming. I wasn’t procrastinating because it was a run, or because I didn’t want to run, but because there was a hard thing sitting in front of me, waiting to be started and finished. I had never run a sub 20-minute 5k, and I knew it was going to hurt and that I would need to intentionally take myself to this place of pain and toughness that I had not been to in a long time.
I often have this challenge with myself when there is something hard that I have to do. Maybe hard physically, maybe hard mentally, maybe hard just because it is unknown. But it sits there, staring me in the face, that awkward thing where you turn away and try not to make eye contact, pretend not to notice, try to make light of it like it is fine. But deep down you know it’s hard and you have to start.
I often operate on the 20 seconds of courage rule. My own rule that I made up, mostly for myself. 20 seconds to just start – start running, start the words for the hard conversation, start the email for the hard response. Mood follows action. There will be no motivation at the beginning, but after action, the motivation comes. And once you show up, and start, there’s this part of you that says, “well you might as well keep going,” at least for a little bit. Momentum is a beautiful thing.
In many runs, that keep going turns into something faster or longer, or a moment more of pain and suffering – the last moment required to make it to the end. But sometimes the keep going is this trudge through sludge, completing a boring, undesirable or mentally uncomfortable task that just needs to see the finish line. This ebbs and flows every day. Some days, the hard thing is the looming four hours of teaching I have sitting ahead of me. I love it, but it doesn’t mean I love it equally and the same every day. It’s hard mentally to complete, and sometimes summoning together the mental energy and positive vibes to start takes everything I have. But, once I’m in it, I always remind myself: “you’re closer to the end now that you have started.”
I’m writing this not to talk about my 5k PR, or how to start things, but just to acknowledge that there is this spectrum of hard, and if you are struggling with hard things, I see you. It doesn’t matter what that hard thing is, or if it “should” be a hard thing or not, if it’s hard for you today, it’s a hard thing. There is always this looming hard thing sitting in front waiting, and if there is none there today, there will be one tomorrow. Know that you can do hard things. Know that you can show up and with 20 seconds of courage, just start. If you get going and you keep going, that is great. But if you get going and you have to stop, or divert, or change, it’s not quitting. It’s just a different path to a different outcome.
Let’s just take a minute to recognize that we are all on our own version of a journey with hard things. I’ve been thinking about that this week because I let these hard things come and loom, sitting there, waiting for me. I see them from the outside, these detached pieces of me that I get to then choose to tackle or push to the side. Sometimes I push them to the side. Other times, I step outside, start running for 20 seconds and then don’t stop until I’ve pushed through the grind and can emerge on the other side. We can do hard things.